Rebirth
by Athlete Girl
Summary: The prison group is captured by Negan and Beth is forced to pay a heavy price for the safety of her family. This is a METH story and it's darker than my usual fare. I do promise METH smut! This is technically a TV/Comic crossover but if I list it that way it doesn't show up on the TV fan fiction site. I own NOTHING related to The Walking Dead comic or TV show.
1. Chapter 1

**OK, this one is darker than most that I write. I just wanted to try a crossover and of course it has to be Meth…..and since Negan is one dark motherfucker I'm going with it. I foresee this being a 3-5 chapter story. With eventual hot Meth smut. So don't despair Methers, Bethy will eventually get her man.**

**Warning: Rape in this chapter. Because Negan is a masochistic misogynistic raping motherfucker who just happens to have entertaining diction.**

Negan. _It almost soumds like Satan _Beth thought as his cold brown eyes raked her from head to toe. Her daddy had tried to hide her, to shield her from his gaze but it was only a matter of time before he saw her. "No," ordered Hershel uselessly and Maggie screamed through her gagged teeth as Negan's men pushed Beth forward. She remembered Carol crying and Glen being knocked to the ground as Negan exclaimed, "Fuckedy fuckin' fuck. Look at this, boys! A little angel come down from heaven to land right on Negan's cock!" Merle, Rick and Daryl had been dragged into the room, bloody and barely conscious. Carol was nursing a bruised eye and holding a screaming Judith.

Negan explained the terms to her. Beth's servitude in exchange for her family's safety. Hershel pleaded, "Please God no, she's just a child." One of Negan's men knocked Hershel onto his back and the men laughed. "Daddy," keened Beth. She looked up to see Merle's eyes focusing on her as he struggled to rise through the fog. She sobbed and Negan roughly pulled her back by the hair. "I can cut that old man's other leg off and feed it to him. Or just let Lucille have him," he hissed through his teeth as he caressed the side of her face with the barbed-wire baseball bat, drawing blood in several places. Beth looked at the group. She shook her head. "Please don't hurt any of them. I'll do anything," she said.

Negan laughed. "I'm not going to guarantee all a them sweetheart and you will do anything and everything I ask. First off though, I'm not going to hurt a little baby, no Negan is not a monster, so consider that baby safe. You get three people. The points you earn in my bed will safeguard them in my compound." Beth looked into his eyes and saw cold glittering evil. She knew that her card had been pulled. It was time to name the people she would die for. "Daddy and Maggie, my sister, " she cried as he yanked her hair back. He looked unabashedly down her shirt as he said, "And who else do I owe these perky little titties to?" Beth's head craned to the side and she saw Merle had risen to his knees with his mouth agape, blood dripping on the floor. "Merle," she whispered. "My fiancée."

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Negan was delighted at the prospect of separating Beth from Merle. He had taken a dislike to Merle ever since Lucille had broken Merle's jaw for the unflattering comments that Merle had aired about Negan's presence in the prison. Negan looked over at Beth as they drove back to the mill. No fucking way she'd ever been fucked, that's for sure. She's one bible-banging bitch for sure and one of the sweetest fucking things he'd ever seen with her porcelain skin and huge blue eyes. Barely legal at best, prime Grade A jailbait. Wonder what she was doing with that one-handed redneck loser? And why didn't that idiot fuck the shit out of her? _Maybe he couldn't get it up_ Negan thought.

Beth looked out of the window of the jeep as it rolled towards the mill. She had read long ago that Holocaust survivors had dissociated their minds from their bodies in the concentration camps in order to survive. That no matter how their body was defiled their mind was somewhere else, somewhere they could control. She prayed silently to God for that strength. She thought of the last six weeks with Merle, how she had pursued him and been spurned until the chaotic day that he broke. How he had confessed his love for her, but how he said he couldn't ever be with her, could never live up to her. She had dug in and persisted saying she'd loved him since she met him and soon they were sleeping together and while they had fooled around plenty he had never had intercourse with her. She hadn't yet broken that wall. How she wished…a sob escaped her and she hurriedly stifled it. Negan looked over and lovingly toyed with her long blonde hair. "Don't worry my new little toy. I won't kill them. Won't even hurt them because I know you love me. Don't you?" She turned her head and looked into the eyes of a maniac. She nodded wordlessly and looked at the floorboard.

Susan gasped when Negan led Beth into the penthouse. _She's just baby_ Susan thought, _and scared to death_. Negan showed Beth around and laughed at Beth's inability to look the scantily clad older women in the eye. "This one's fresh," he exclaimed. "So fresh that I don't want to wait. Get her cleaned up and dressed, I gotta cherry to pop tonight!" He left Beth in the care of Susan. Beth's eyes were filled with unshed tears and she shook when the older lady guided her by the arm. With her long blond forelock she looked like a wild pony that had been lassoed and trip wired in the dust.

After she was bathed and dressed in crotchless black panties, a black and red bustier and garter belt and hose Susan tried to hand her a pill. "Here sweetie, this will take the edge off. Maybe you won't feel it. Maybe you won't remember." Beth shook her head wordlessly and refused the pill. Susan recalled every fantasy of killing Negan that she had ever had, and she added another one for this innocent little girl. Susan rubbed her arm. "It will only hurt this one time," she whispered to Beth. "Just stay strong and one day you may grow to like it." Beth's eyes raised to Susan's and she summoned the ghost of a smile. "May God bless you," whispered Beth and she sat in the corner to pray until Negan returned.

He returned with bloodlust in his eyes, fresh from humiliating the prison group during their introduction into his compound. He was ready for his treat now. His eyes fell upon Beth who was deep in prayer in a dark corner of the room. He shook with laughter. "Oh, I'll have you praying to God soon enough my little teenage prom queen!" he trumpeted. "Get the fuck out," he ordered the other women.

Beth knew it would be painful but she hadn't expected it to be so personal. And humiliating. Negan sweated and groaned between her legs and slapped her face when she tried to pray. When it was over he made her kiss him and say she loved him. He took her again before he left. When she was sure he was gone she staggered to the window, wanting to leap out, but she found iron bars in place. She fell to her knees and curled into a ball sobbing and praying for death. She woke up warm and slightly comforted the next morning on the floor, there was a blanket on her and Susan was curled around her protectively.

He used her at will the next couple of weeks and she divorced her mind from her body. _This body is but a vessel for my soul_ she thought. One day he came in with something under his arm. "You see my little prom queen Negan can be quite nice. I brought you a present since you've been such a dirty little slut for me." Beth's sad eyes raised to his questioningly and he threw the book down on the table in front of her. A bible. With shaking hands she gently touched the cover and opened it. It truly was a bible. "Thank you," she said hoarsely. He laughed. "No offense, but you're a really lousy lay. I've got the taste for warm and willing tonight. You can spend the night reading." Beth nodded faintly. "Thank you Negan. I love you," she said automatically.

Three weeks into her stay he offered to take her to her family. She looked up hopefully then looked down at the clothes she was forced to wear. "Can I wear my regular clothes?" she asked. Negan laughed and said, "Of course, I don't want anyone else looking at what I get to fuckety fuck. You'll see them in an hour." Beth cleared her throat. "Negan," she asked. He turned to her. "Please not Merle," she said. He laughed again. "No problem princess. Just your daddy and your sister. Hell I might even throw the baby in."

Beth couldn't stand the thought of anyone seeing her in her shame, but she needed her family so badly that she had agreed to his offer. But she couldn't face Merle. Couldn't stand for him to know what she had done with Negan. She felt her throat closing and the tears stinging her eyes. She knew it was a mortal sin but she planned on taking her own life the very first chance she got. At least now she would get to see her family one last time. She knew they would never forgive her. She knew Merle would.

She and Hershel and Maggie hugged and cried for what seemed like hours. She looked down in shame but they rained kisses on her face and prayed to God for them to overcome their burden. They even got to have Judith for a while and Beth poured buckets of tears on the sweet baby's face then laughed at her new faces and sounds. "Daddy, how's Merle?" she finally asked. Hershel looked at her gravely. "His jaw is broken Bethy but it's healing. I can't say the same for his heart," he said. Beth nodded and hugged her dear father, knowing that each time could be their last. "Tell him I'll never love another," she said earnestly. "Daddy tell him I know that now." Hershel sobbed for his daughter's ordeal and Negan's men broke them apart to return Beth to the penthouse.

As she climbed the metal steps up to the second story door she looked down to see Merle standing with a work group of men around a generator. His eyes bored into her and she stopped, unable to look away. A heavy hand descended on the back of her neck and squeezed and she dropped to her knees in pain. "You're Negan's now," hissed a male voice. "Best get into the building and stop looking at the filth." Beth sobbed and ducked into the doorway, hearing Merle's furious roar from below. She burned the image of Merle into her brain knowing it was likely the last one she'd have.

**OK! Well, the writer's block seems to be fading but it looks like my fingers have a grim story pouring out of them. Let's write this sucker up and maybe the memory of hugging Merle Dixon himself at Comic Con will jump start some lighter stories **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi Everyone, please review me and keep me motivated!**

Negan allowed his women weekly family visits. They were allowed to wear street clothes and to hug and kiss their children but couldn't hug or kiss their husbands. It wasn't easy but Susan and Luke had been using these times to surreptitiously plan their escape. Slowly, week-by-week, they used camouflaged comments and pointed looks while discussing the children in front of Negan's men. She had not confided with any of the women or guards in the penthouse because she knew the penalty would be worse than death for conspiring against Negan and there were always people looking to uncover such plots to gain his favor. Luke was feeling out the new people from the prison because they seemed to be cut from a stronger cloth than the beaten down people of the mill. Maybe with their help and the element of surprise they could tip the balance in their favor. He reasoned that because Negan had been concentrating most of his energy on Rick that appealing to the other men from the prison could be successful.

Two months after Beth's introduction to the group Susan waited in the penthouse for the guards to take her down for her visit. She frowned when she recalled the flash of terror that flitted over Beth's face whenever Negan requested her, and it strengthened her resolve. Luke would bring Merle and the other prison men into the plan. Susan would enlist Beth. The time was now. The girl would just have to hope that her family would catch up with her in the future. She hoped things were going well for Luke with the prison group.

Luke approached Merle first. Merle regarded Luke with expressionless eyes as Luke nervously conveyed the plan. Negan's activities were unpredictable so they had to be ready to strike at any time. The takedown would involve seduction so it would most likely begin at night. That meant that the men had to be prepared at all times. Merle was responsible for telling the people from the prison about the plan. He had to decide which direction they would travel so if they got separated they could eventually regroup, if they made it out of the mill alive in the first place. He had to regroup with Luke within a week to solidify the plans.

Merle knew that if Negan was left alive anyone left would likely be tortured for information. His icy gaze bored through Luke and his lip curled in a silent snarl as he recalled the groups' first night in the mill. He had been lying in his cot sweating in pain from having his jaw wired. He was roused by a visit from Negan himself, who tossed the used bloody condom on Merle's chest. Negan laughed, "Saw your girl tonight Dixon. Tight little pussy on that one but all the praying and crying got on my nerves. You should thank me brother, I saved you from the worst lay of your life."

Merle shook himself from the memory and nodded silently to Luke. He was getting his little girl out of here, or they were all gonna die tryin'. Either way they'd be better off than they were now.

Susan started laying the groundwork for the plan. One evening while Negan lay in bed sated she suggested that with the right drugs to relax her and the right training from someone she trusted, Beth could end up being an attentive member of his stable. She demurely suggested several other women in the group that could help train Beth and offered her own services as well. Weeks later Negan entered with a case of wine, a vial of ecstasy and some amyl nitrate and demanded an orgy. He forced Beth to drink two glasses of wine quickly and laughed uproariously at her flushed cheeks. Susan nodded at her encouragingly and Beth giggled and fell into his lap. "Well I'll be fucked," said Negan. He demanded that all the women drink and handed out the ecstasy to everyone. He watched Beth down hers with wine but was distracted by the others pulling on his clothes. Beth carefully spit hers out and hid it in the chair cushion. She watched how the others behaved on the drug and mimicked them, staying away from the action. Then she faked passing out.

Negan had found Beth's drunken behavior encouraging. Having a hot piece of pussy that cried all of the time had been a downer. He wanted Beth riding him with enthusiasm. The next week Negan demanded a session with only Susan and Beth. This is what they'd been waiting for and Susan was able to get the signal down to Luke by an encrypted message sent down through the guards. Luke passed the message to Daryl who sent it through the prison group. If Negan didn't change his mind in the next hour they would have their chance.

"Outta fuckin E ladies!" announced Negan. "We'll have to party with weed and rum!" He looked at Susan. "Rum I know you can handle." He looked at Beth, she had forced herself to look hopeful when he came in then disappointed when he didn't mention wine. "I'm not sure that I can," said Beth, her nose wrinkling when he held the open bottle under her nose. Negan cupped her chin and said, "Don't worry prom queen, I got you covered." He reached into his leather jacket and pulled out two cans of cola. Beth forced herself to smile and say, "I hope you can teach me how to drink it Negan. I love you." She thought of the knife he strapped to his calf and hoped this would work.

They started to party and Beth realized that there was no way she could fake drinking the rum, so she did her best to drink it slowly. But Negan had her siting on the arm of his chair to fondle her and he made sure that she had enough to drink to make her giddy. The more she drank the funnier the whole situation seemed and when she fell off the arm of the chair onto the floor and sat on her ass giggling uncontrollably. Susan tensed in anticipation of Neegan's reaction but he laughed out loud. "Prom queen is a fuckin' lightweight!" he whooped. Beth tried to answer but she only managed to slur and Negan laughed harder. _Probably better this way_ thought Susan. She rose on her knees and unbuckled Neegan's belt. "Time to start Beth's education," she said to him.

"Oh yeah baby, suck it," murmured Negan down to Susan's bobbing head. "Show her how to suck that cock." He reached down to grab Beth by the hair and pulled her up alongside Susan. Susan looked sideways at Beth who seemed to be having problems focusing. She had Beth switch places with her and as she gave her instructions she reached under the armchair to find the knife she had hidden carefully long ago. It was still there. She moved up to unbutton Negan's shirt and to suck his nipples, rubbing her breasts on his chest and face. She bent down to kiss his neck because Negan did not allow the women to kiss him on the mouth. She bent to whisper in his ear. "Will you teach her to eat my pussy Negan? You're the best after all." Negan smiled and put his arms around her to push Beth's head farther down onto his cock. Susan could see he was close. "Fondle his balls Beth so he can cum in your mouth. Once you taste Negan you'll never want anyone else." Susan smiled wickedly as she twisted Negan's nipple with one hand and she looked into his eyes. "She'll learn," she breathed. Negan's head tipped back as the orgasm hit him and Susan's arm swiftly sank the knife in his neck.

**Please R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's the next installment…..**

Beth gagged and struggled for breath, tears running out of her eyes. Negan was hammering the back of her throat and his hands were forcing her head down as he thrusted. She shut her eyes and prayed that it would be over soon as she thought of Judith and her family and the farm. He stilled and she screwed her eyes tighter shut as the hot semen flooded her mouth. She hated the taste of him and instinctively reared her head back and fell back on her hands, spitting the contents of her mouth out on the carpeted floor. She wiped her mouth and looked up to see Susan still standing over Negan but his huge hand was wrapped around her neck and blood was running down the front of both of them. Susan's knee was pinning down his other arm but his feet were kicking at her.

Beth leaped to her feet and ran to Susan's aid. Susan had gotten him in the throat so he couldn't form words but his mouth was moving and he was loudly grunting as he tried to squeeze the life out of her. Blood was running out of his neck with an occasional soft gush. She had only nicked the jugular vein and though Negan was weakening he still had plenty in him to overpower her. The knife had fallen into the chair cushions and Negan was trying to get it with the hand that Susan had pinned. Quickly Beth knelt down and pulled the knife out of his calf strap. She knew if she didn't act now that she and everyone she knew would be executed. She quickly walked behind the chair, yanked Negan's chin back and sank it into the carotid and jugular vessels deep in the right side of his neck. Blood spurted to the ceiling and soaked Susan who was turning blue. Negan's body began to relax and when his grip loosened Susan dropped to the floor, taking in huge loud gasps of air.

Beth dropped to the floor, feeling dizzy. It had all been so fast but it was only the first part of the plan. There was so much more left to do, it almost seemed hopeless. _And I've just killed a man_ she thought. _I've murdered in cold blood_. She stared stonily at the back of the chair and she started to shake. She saw Susan rise up to her hands and knees, then brace herself against the arm of the chair to stand. Susan looked into Negan's dying eyes. "See you in Hell, fuckhole" she hissed in his pale face. Soon it was over and Susan looked at Beth who looked up at her.

The next part of the plan was supposed to involve Susan but as she looked down she realized she could never do it – she was covered in blood. Beth on the other hand had almost none on her. "You'll have to do it Bethie," she said. Beth returned her gaze silently, her eyes huge in her face, then she shook herself. She had to think of Daddy, Maggie and Glen. Merle. What would Merle do?

Beth wiped Negan's blood off of the top of the soda can. It was half empty. She topped it off with rum and drank it as fast as she could. If Merle was going to go down he'd definitely do it with liquor in his belly. She felt the liquor soaking into her and she nodded grimly. "Do it," she said to Susan, and Susan reached back and punched Beth as hard as she could on the side of the face. Beth fell to the floor crying. "Give me a minute," she said and Susan stroked Beth's face when she sat up. "I'm so sorry baby. Just this last thing Bethie and never again. You'll be with your man til the end of days, and me too." The women steeled each other and Beth walked towards the door.

Beth tottered on the high heels that Negan made her wear during sex. She hoped this was the very last day of her life she'd ever have to wear these degrading clothes. She took a deep breath at the penthouse door before she opened it. The alcohol was making her dizzy but it did give her strength. And an alibi.

She stumbled through the door with the rum bottle, softly closing it behind her and walked unsteadily a few steps before she stopped and straightened herself out. She pretended to be surprised to see a gunman there. She smiled and swayed a little bit as his eyes struggled to glare into her own. "What you doin' out here?" he growled. Beth smiled. "Hi. Jacobs, right?" Jacobs spat, "Yeah. Answer my question." Beth walked closer to him and as she emerged from the shadows he could see her golden hair and wide blue eyes. "Negan sent me," she smiled.

Jacobs' eyes narrowed. "Why?" he asked suspiciously. Beth looked down to the floor then looked back up to him making her eyes as innocent and wide as possible. The side of her face was swelling and bruising. "It's a little embarrassing," she whispered. "I'm being punished." Jacobs sidled, still not buying it. "Fer what?" he questioned. "Well," she said. "I never really drank before and I guess I had too much and when I tried to…..well you know…with Negan.." She forced some tears to trickle down her face and her shoulders slumped. She sniffled. "I threw up," she whispered. "He was really mad. He's cleaning up right now."

Beth looked down at the ground then took a drink out of the rum bottle. "He said there was three men out here keeping watch. I'm supposed to…to…." She looked up at Jacobs entreatingly. Jacobs was feasting his eyes on Beth's body. Leftovers from Negan were rare and something to be treasured. Beth took a step towards him and offered him the bottle. "I asked if I could choose you and he said yes," she said. "And he gave me this," she pulled the office key out from the top of her thigh high stocking. "He said he doesn't want to see your dick and he doesn't want anyone else seeing me. He told me not to come back until I'd learned something useful."

Jacobs approached Beth and looked down into her eyes, holding her gaze for a long time, then he snaked his hand down to her crotch and fingered her. Beth flinched a little but kept eye contact with him. "Will you help me?" she asked. "Fuck yes," growled Jacobs, shoving her towards the office down the hall. He didn't see Beth smile in relief.

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The lunch horn in the office was used to assemble the crowds for Negan's speeches. One pull of the horn meant that everyone was to assemble in the yard within five minutes. Two pulls meant immediately. Three pulls was an emergency signal reserved for imminent danger such as a tornado or formal armored attack, something that had never before happened. Beth kept Jacobs' gun trained on him as she firmly pulled the horn three times.

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_Induce chaos._ _Well hell_, thought Merle grimly. _Been doin' that my whole life, first time it'll ever be fer somethin' good._ People milled around nervously and Rick's group split up. Carl spread the news that a twister was comin', Daryl and Carol told everyone it was a huge herd, Merle assured everyone it was nothing, and Maggie and Glen told everyone that helicopters and military vehicles had been sighted. Hershel looked serious and tried to enlist people to pray with him. No one knew where Michonne was.

Susan and Beth shivered on the walkway and told the guards that Negan had already gone down. They tried to appear frantic asking the guards what was happening as the guards bolted down the stairs. When they were alone they looked at each other then they ran back to the penthouse to get their regular clothes on. Beth hurriedly threw on her jeans, cowboy boots, tank top and flannel shirt. She looked at Negan's blue face as they ran out the door. She wondered what it meant that she couldn't find it in her tender heart to pray for him.

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All it had taken was the suggestion that walkers had entered the compound and the milling crowd had turned into a melee. The prison group had been able to subdue several guards to get their weapons and they headed to the motor pool using the confusion to cover them. The commandeered two large armored vehicles and paused to confirm the plan. Daryl hung out of the driver side door of the first car to talk to Merle. "Meet up at the farm later," said Daryl, chewing his thumb out of worry. "Opposite directions outta here,' said Merle and Daryl nodded. Daryl looked at a pregnant and strained Carol. "Gotta keep her with Hershel," he said and Merle nodded. "Go on,' said Merle.

"I'm waitin' for Beth," yelled Maggie out of the second vehicle. "No you're not Maggie," frowned Glen who was driving. "In your condition you need to stay with your dad." Michonne appeared with Luke and his two kids, her eyes shifting back and forth. "Took three of 'em out on the way," she said. "Somebody found Negan, now there's a power grab goin' on. Shots are going to fly soon. We need to go now."

Luke was shoving his kids into the second vehicle and Michonne followed. "I'll protect them," she said to him. Automatic gunfire sounded in the mill and Merle yelled, "Go!" Daryl man hugged Merle then jumped in the drivers seat. "Later bro," he said and he pulled out of the gates. The second car proceeded and Michonne shut the gates, turning once to give Merle a long look then jumping in the car. They disappeared in two clouds of dust heading due east.

Beth and Susan ran around the corner, Susan was holding Beth up and Merle yelled, "She hurt?" Susan shook her head no and yelled, "No, get the car!" Merle and Luke had loaded a SUV with guns and ammo and had it idling. They ran towards the women and Merle grabbed Beth around the waist, picking her up, running to the SUV and throwing her in the back. Luke took the drivers seat and Merle opened the gate. He shut the gate behind the vehicle and weaved to avoid the spray of bullets coming from the men now pursuing them. He jumped in the passenger seat and pointed. "Due west," he ordered.

**Please review, it keeps me going!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi All! Well…..I've read all the Walking Dead comics and I'm…..I'm…I'm (don't hate me) I'm almost torn between loving Merle and Negan. Is it horrible that I want Negan to ping pong all over my ti**ies like he said in the comic book? Negan or Merle? Merle or Negan? Negan does make Merle look like a housewife…..but Merle is redeemable. Gaa! Give me advice in your reviews! OK, here's the next part of our story!**

In all the confusion only two vehicles followed the SUV from the mill, the inhabitants still operating under the belief that Negan was alive and that they were under orders to retrieve the escapees. Luke drove quickly while Merle hung out the window to trade shots with the trucks behind them. Beth and Susan sat on the floorboard catching the empty clips that Merle threw into the back seat and reloading for him. After some harrowing decisions involving blocked roads and near vertical ditches Luke was able to lose their pursuers.

After declaring the road safe Beth and Susan rose from the floorboard and sat in the back seat. Susan hung her arms around Luke's neck from behind, laughing and kissing his temple. Beth looked up in shock at Merle who could see something wasn't right with her. His arm snaked out to touch her and she leaned forward hesitantly to let him cup her chin. "Little girl," he rumbled. Beth suddenly felt sick. "Pull over!" she said, fumbling for the door handle. The SUV was barely stopped before she fell onto the ground retching. Susan darted through the door and was at Beth's side while Merle still fumbled with the door handle with his right hand.

"OK baby, it's OK. I know it sucks but you had to do it. Get it all out now," Susan crooned as Beth heaved and cried. Susan looked up at Merle who was crouched at Beth's side with a flashlight, looking concerned. "She's got half a bottle of rum in her," said Susan softly. "He made her. She's going to feel rotten for a while." Merle's expression hardened and he got up to get a bottle of water out of the truck and brought it to Susan. Susan brushed Beth's hair away from her face and helped her drink. She looked up to see Merle furiously pacing in the dark, cursing under his breath. He had a really good idea of the type of shit Negan had forced Beth into and he had no idea how to deal with it. Beth had told Susan a lot about Merle and as Susan watched him rage she knew that the couple had their challenges cut out for them.

Susan helped Beth stand unsteadily and supported her while Beth wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Merle looked up and pulled the rag out of his back pocket as he walked towards Beth. He used a little of the water to wet it and gently wiped her face off. Beth looked at the V of his shirt, unable to meet his eyes. "Thank you," she whispered. Merle took in her bruised cheek and bleary eyes and silently ground his teeth in futility. Susan put her hand on his arm and said, "We need to keep moving even though it's dark. Merle, would you mind sitting in back so I can sit with Luke?" Merle nodded and helped Beth get into the back of the SUV. Once in he took off his prosthetic and reached for her with his good arm. "Come on," he said gruffly. "Ya need ta sleep."

Beth hesitantly scooted over and as they got on their way Merle was able to coax her into leaning against his chest. Beth's stomach roiled and her head pounded. Her heart hammered at the unwanted feeling of hands on her. She didn't think she had any more tears to cry and she was suddenly disoriented and panicked. She shoved the fear down and leaned against him, shaking. He looked down at her and slowly slid his arm around her. "Just you and me," he said against her hair. She buried her face under his arm stiffly and tried to breathe, sure that she would never sleep again.

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Hours later Beth opened her eyes. She was stretched across the back seat with her head in Merle's lap. She was nauseated and there was a sharp drilling pain behind her eyeballs. She closed her eyes again to avoid the sunlight. Her mouth was dry and tasted terrible and her body was tacky with stale sweat. _This is what a hangover feels like_, she thought. _Why do people drink? This isn't fun at all._

She could tell by the way Merle was sitting that he was asleep too. It was early morning and she could see that the interior of the SUV was dark blue. Luke and Susan were talking softly in the front seat and Luke was driving much faster than he was able to at night. Beth sat up stiffly and Merle's arms tightened around her. "Where are we?" asked Beth. Luke turned his head briefly to her. He smiled. "Thank God, I was hoping you two would wake up. I really have to pee."

A giggle escaped Beth as Susan looked at her with her eyes dancing in laughter. Susan was glowing with happiness and Beth was so happy for her friend. Beth reached her arm out to Susan and Susan took her hand briefly and smiled. She heard Merle grunt and she turned her head. He was looking at her intently. Beth smiled widely at the sight of him and threw herself back into his arms. "I smell bad," she whispered, laughing and crying at the same time. "Yer beautiful angel," said Merle, holding her tightly to him. "Wanna see ya smile like that every day, hear?" Beth nodded sharply and tightened her arms around him as Luke pulled into an open area to switch drivers.

Everyone took the chance to relieve themselves, get some water and eat some granola bars. Merle and Luke spread the map out on the hood of the SUV to track their progress while Susan and Beth watched for walkers. When Beth went behind a tree and dropped her pants she was sickened to see that she still wore the underthings that Negan had forced on her. In the rush to get out of the mill they had just thrown their clothes on over their clothes. Tears stung her eyes. _Merle deserves so much better_, she thought. _Why would he want me? _The tops of her legs and parts of her privates were rubbed raw from the cheap fabric.

It took her a few minutes to compose herself and she tried to stand off by herself for a while but Susan approached her. "Beth what's wrong?" she asked, putting her hand on Beth's cheek. Beth looked down and fought the tears, she could feel Luke and Merle looking at her. "Please," she whispered to Susan. "Can we get clothes?" Susan pulled her into a hug. "First chance we get," she assured her. Susan looked at the men over the top of Beth's head and shook her head at them so they wouldn't question her.

When Beth went to the back of the SUV to get a water bottle Susan approached them. "We need to stop soon for clothes," she said in a tone that invited no questions and them men nodded. Merle growled in frustration when Beth got into the passenger side without raising her eyes from the ground. She had seemed so happy when she woke up and now she was just as sad as before. When he got in the drivers seat he handed her the map. "Ya know the route?" he asked. She looked up quickly and nodded. "Head southwest to keep up the diversion and at LaGrange turn northeast to get to the farm." She met Merle's eyes and looked back down at the map. "Yeah little girl," he said quietly. "Gonna get you back home." He popped the SUV into gear and they made their way through roadblocks and walker herds with no sign of anyone following them.

Beth drifted off a few times, the hangover and events of the night before draining her. She shook herself awake with resolve. Luke and Susan were wrapped up in each others arms in the back, sound asleep. Merle needed someone to stay awake with him. She began calculating distances on the map. She asked Merle some questions about the mill and was able to indicated it on the map with a pen. She continued to mark the prison, Woodbury, the farm, and places they had raided for supplies along the way. She kept an eye on the mile markers and road signs. "It's 28 miles to LaGrange," she said. "From there it's 49 miles by highway to the farm."

Merle snorted softly. "Gonna take a week easy," he said. "Need gas, food, water. Just about outta ammo." He looked at her. "Ya gotta weapon?" he asked. She shook her head. He motioned to the glove compartment. "Ya take that .38 there. Remember how ta use it?" She opened the glove compartment and looked at the revolver. Memories came flooding back to her of him teaching her to shoot at the prison, holding her close and nuzzling her neck. _Gotta learn this little girl, aint wantin ta lose ya_ he had rasped into her ear. She bit her lip hard to not cry. "Yes," she said faintly.

At mid-afternoon they came upon a town with a large farm supply store. The walkers in the parking lot were light. "This is where we stock up," said Merle over his shoulder to rouse the sleeping couple behind him. Luke and Susan sat up. They parked on an overpass and assessed the lot for a while. "Piece of cake after what we went through earlier," said Luke. "We all go in."

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Overall the run inside was successful and they were able to load up on ammo, blankets, dry food, fresh water bottles, knives, clothes and toiletries. Beth donned the largest backpack she could find and cleaned out the candy aisle as well as packing sterno cans, vegetable seeds and batteries. She didn't care if the candy smelled like death, she was going to air it out and eat it.

By the time they were done loading the SUV it was approaching dark. "Damned good haul," said Merle. "Need ta find a place ta bed down for tha night." Luke scratched his head. "We can drive while you sleep," he said but Merle resisted. "Headlights and movement gonna draw every walker in the area. Best ta stay still." Merle drove them to a clearing near a small rise and they stopped. After Luke and Merle scouted and took out the stray walkers and the women scouted.

There was a bubbling stream with a deep spot that was perfect for bathing. They set up a small fire nearby and all looked at each other. "Y'all go first," said Merle to Susan and Luke who looked up hopefully but Beth cleared her throat nervously. "I thought Susan and I could go together," she said quickly. Susan rubbed Luke's arm apologetically and said, "Of course, let's go."

The water was cool and it soothed Beth's naked body. She dunked her head and floated, trying to follow waterbugs without disturbing the water. Susan was scrubbing her hair with shampoo and Beth watched the suds float by in the pool. She ducked and savored the smell of the damp logs and water. She felt an ache deep in her body as she thought of the pond near the farm. _Soon. Home._

She walked to the edge and retrieved the soap and shampoo, scrubbing every trace of the rum and the mill and Negan off of her. _ Except…_, she thought. _No, don't think of it._ Susan was already climbing into her new clothes and Beth was eager to do the same. She left her jeans, tank top and old boots on the stream bank and climbed into the baggy new sweats and new hiking boots she had taken from the farm store. _Perfect to sleep in_ she thought. She reveled in the feel of normal underwear. Nothing she was wearing could be construed in any way as sexy.

They smiled at the men when they returned and they switched off. Merle doubled back to check on Beth and watched her for a moment from cover of the trees. She had come back from the river with something dark clutched in her hand that she now threw in the fire. He watched her face as the flames leapt up to consume the object. Her eyes were hollow and her face was tortured. He watched as Susan rubbed her back in comfort then he turned back to the stream. He was grim and thoughtful as he washed and when they returned he stirred the fire and he found a scrap of red trimmed black lace.

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Merle reclined the bench seat as far as it would go and lay a sleeping bag down. "Get on up in there sugar," he said to a yawning Beth. He followed her in and locked the doors, checking his pockets to make sure he had the key. Luke and Susan were on watch and were looking forward to some alone time by the fire. Merle stretched out on his side and held up his arm expectantly and Beth scooted in. "I'm glad I brushed my teeth," she said. Merle chuckled. "You and me both." Beth gasped. "Merle!" she protested softly slapping his chest. He chuckled again and she settled into his embrace. She could feel his heart beat through his wife beater and that with his familiar smell soothed her.

"Ya gonna let me kiss you?" he asked with a gravelly voice. She moved her head back to look at him and he felt himself drown in her huge violet eyes. He slowly brought his lips to hers and kissed her gently. Her mouth, tense at first, relaxed with his touch and he pulled her into him, careful to keep his kiss light. Gradually her hands rose to touch his face, tracing the creases and ruffling his hair. She kept her eyes open so she could see him, not wanting to imagine for even a second that it was Negan. _This is Merle, this is my love _she told herself.

Merle's hand went up to stroke her face, then her hair and down her neck. This is where she belonged, here with him with the moon shining through the window making her skin glow. He deepened his kiss slightly, not wanting to spook her and her hands clutched softly at his chest. He drew away slightly. "I love ya," he said softly. She looked up at him and he saw the shame cross her face. She began to cry. "Why Merle?" she asked. "I'm not….." She bared her teeth and sobbed. "You should find somebody better."

Merle growled and gently grabbed her chin. "You look at me. Look at me," he repeated. She complied, her face twisted in agony. He continued, "Yer all I need. Yer all I want. Aint nothin' more in my life than you. You got that?" Beth sobbed and tried to look down but he wouldn't let her. "I'm gettin' ya home to ya farm. We gonna have them babies ya want and I'm gonna marry ya right on the front porch. And I aint never lettin' ya go." His eyes were burning into her and she moved her face to the side of his barely controlling her sobs. He clutched her tightly and she pressed the side of her face into his. "Merle," she cried plaintively into his neck. She felt herself coming undone. "Let it out," he rasped and he held her as she shook and sobbed.

"I'm so sorry," she cried and Merle shushed her. "Let it out," he murmured. He stroked her back and kissed her head until she passed out from exhaustion.

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